There are somethings we just do not talk about in public. Like the fact that, if the kids are watching television, and they choose say iCarly, I will not immediately gouge my eyes out. Hannah Montana does not really offend me as much as it should. Billy Ray Cyrus is kinda funny, in a uncool Dad kinda way. As the meanest, uncool mom on the planet, sometimes I like to get tips from his fumbling ways.
I am not the meanest you say. I have proof. I make my kids do all of their homework BEFORE they can go play with their friends outside. I make them eat vegetables. I put them in time out for being naughty and when they have tantrums. But, mostly I know I am mean, because they tell me so.
I also know I am uncool, because the shriek with horror when someone from school realizes that I am their mom. That is not my mom, they will say, that is the nanny. Since all the other kids have nannies, no one argues. I hang out with nannies, they are fine people. So, can we all agree here, I am uncool and mean.
In an attempt to keep my uncool status intact, I make a point to tell the kids I love them as they walk into school. The other day, one of them responded, "Mac, dude, how lucky are you, your nanny loves you." I think he went on to say his nanny is mean. Perhaps Mac might want to mention that his nanny also sleeps with his Dad, birthed him out of her body after 32 hours of labor, has cared for him since birth... but hey, I ask for too much.
This nanny, signing off... I plan to embarrass the kids at Monkey Joe's today. WAAAAHHHHAAAAAA