Monday, October 19, 2009

Lottery ticket, spray bottle and gum drop

What do you ask yourself, do a squirt bottle, a winning lottery ticket and a gum drop have in common?  Well, let me tell you a little story, it is sort of like the little bug who said kerchoo.

There is this medical researcher, who wants desperately to build the house of her dreams.  She finds the land she wants to build the house on, it is gorgeous.  Views of the ocean on one side and the mountains on the other.  Problem is that, while she has the money to purchase the lot, she can not get the permits to build the house.  It seems that there are these very large rodents on the land, and they are a protected by some environmental act.

Try as she might, our fair medical researcher, can not get the folks at city hall to recognize that these unusually large rodents are not the protected yellow bellied marmots, but rather your garden variety of rat.  The environmentalist who looked around, was busy, as he was about to scurry off to meet his lover, and didn't take time to really check things out.

So, after meeting with the town zoning people for the millionth time, W decides to ask them what exactly she needs to do to build her dream house.  She was told that if she was to prove the town environmental impact report wrong, she would have to hire a team of consultants to do a study.  This of course would cost thousands of dollars, money Jane would like to save for the construction of the house. 

"Great," thinks W, "I will have this land, and no money left to build my house."

Just then, the wind starts to blow and a lottery ticket receipt blows across W's path.  She scowls, picks it up and shoves it into her pocket.  Little did she know that ticket was going to change her life.  It was a winning lottery ticket, but you could have guessed that.  The ticket is not a big winner, but enough to pay for the study.  But, Jane does not realize this as she tosses her coat into the wash and destroys the ticket. 

She also has a gumdrop in her pocket, that she had picked up at lunch and after tasting it, wrapped it into the lottery ticket and returned the sticky mess to her pocket.  It was one of those nasty black ones.  The gum drop melts all over Ws favorite blouse, and ruins it.  She grabs her spray bottle, to try and rectify the mess, proceeds to spray herself in the face. 

Sadly, what was in the bottle was not stain remover, but toilet bowl cleaner.  Next stop, the hospital to have her eyes examined.  Since she can not see, she has a neighbor, who she has never met drive her.  While in the car, she tells the story about her land, the dream house and all the issues with the zoning board.

Her neighbor happens to be friends with a private detective who has been following the environmentalist in question, trying to catch him having an affair so his wife can dump him.  Apparently, this environmentalist has a history of making up stories, and declaring that there are endangered animals on pieces of land, so that they will be sold at a discount and he can make a fortune.  His estranged wife wants to get him for it.

Once W recovers from her bout with toilet cleaner, she shares the reports with the PI, and the papers.  She also shares the reports from her newly hired consultants.  She sues the town, gets her zoning rights approved, the money to pay the consultants and she finally builds her dream home.

That is what a lottery ticket, a gum drop and a spray bottle have in common.

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