Tuesday, December 9, 2008


I see faces. I am not crazy, but I see faces of the people that I left. I think it is the minds way of making all the change seem familiar. To look for the people and things that are like the way it used to be, to make things seem like they are familiar.

I am painting every room the same color it used to be. I am decorating the house to look like my old one. I feel like maybe I should change, do something different. Perhaps it is too much for me to process too much change, I need to make something, the things I can control like they used to be. I want to go home, to go back.

The kids are struggling with the fact that everything is different. They are overwhelmed by all the change, all the new people. Hannah hates everyone. She only likes people that are familiar, which of course are the ones that are not here.

We can not go back. Even if we did, it wouldn't be the same. That bridge is burnt. Our old lives are left in a smoking heap. They don't exist anymore.

So, I look for faces, things that are like they used to be. Anything to chase the overwhelming loneliness away. Slowly I suppose we will make friends and less and less will we see the faces of our old friends in strangers in the grocery store.