There are so many things spinning around in my mind I can not seem to come up with a cohesive post. Everything that has happened with Chris has made me think about my sister. She was my favorite sister, and she was very involved in raising me. My parents asked to adopt a little girl, because they knew my sister would like that. I was her baby doll.
When we were growing up, I went every place with her. She took me to the mall, to parties, out with her girlfriends, etc. I worshiped her. When I was leaving for graduate school I spent part of the summer with her. I got to see what was really going on, and it wasn't pretty. I think my parents sent me to recon the situation.
Many of you who know me well, know the story. I am not going to go into all the details, but I left Mississippi with a vow to never return. So here is the issue, Chris is being buried in Mississippi, at, from what I understand, a very blinged out funeral, and I am expected to go. There are so many reasons why I can not do this... 1) What to do with the kids. 2) How to pay for it. 3) My mom does not want to go. 4) It is in Mississippi, and I refuse to go there. I have 4 very valid reasons. But, for some reason, my mother, the voice of reason is wavering. She is bending like a blade of grass in the wind. I hope her weakness does not some how implicate me.
I miss my sister. I wish that we had the kind of relationship we had when she was sober. I wish that she was still alive and healthy and was able to take proper care of her son. But that was not in the cards. It is a sad situation, but I am in a good place with everything and I do not wish to undo all of this by going back to Mississippi.
I think I am going to say my feet are frozen firmly in Chicago.