Wednesday, March 10, 2010

No, actually you shouldn't write a chapter in a parenting book

I read a blog post from a person who espoused his greatness because his kids didn't use a pacifier after the age of 1.  If you want to read the post it can be found here....  Parenting manuals need my chapter.  He had a lot of not so nice things to say about parents who let their kids use pacifiers after the age of 1.  He basically asked, who is the parent here.  I don't really agree that a kid with a pacifier after the age of 1 has a bad parent, or at least not one that is any worse than any of the rest of us.  We all know, that just the mere mention of who is the parent sends me over the edge.

Did my kids have pacifiers after the age of 1?  No, they didn't.  Mac was the only kid who took one and his day care provider broke him of the habit when he was very small, like 3 months.  He sucked his thumb instead.  But that stopped on its own eventually.  The other 2, did not like the artificial substitute for the booby.  I stopped nursing both firmly when they were 1.  I wanted to regain ownership of my body. 

All kids have different temperaments, all parents have different temperaments.  Sometimes the parent and the kid gel, sometimes they don't.  To judge another parent because their kid has a pacifier is not really fair, unless of course you have never made a questionable parenting choice.  Think about it, have you ever made a questionable parenting choice?  I make them all the time, I share them with you, usually with some sort of justification.  Can we say no coats in winter?

Should this blogger have judged this parent so harshly?  It sure makes for a good blog post, but it is also a bit unfair.  I am confident he is not a perfect parent.  There are days when I wish that we all settled down and stopped judging each other without all the facts and just supported each other.  Heck, let's just accept that parenting is a hard job and that most of us are trying to do the very best that we can. 

I am confident that the mother of the kid with the pacifier is trying to do the best that she can.  Just as the over protective parents look at my parenting style and wonder what I am up to, it is easy to look at them at wish they would stop hovering. 

At the end of the day, in spite of us, most of our kids grow up and are productive members of society.  So let's all just get along ok?  Bet that makes me a hippy.


  1. this goes along with my blog about people (parents and non-parents)judging parents about stuff. we alone know what's best for our own kids!

  2. Amen! Bean doesn't use a paci, stopped at about 3 months when she discovered her thumb. She still sucks it at 3 years old and you know what? I'm not going to stop her until the dentist tells me she needs to, and he hasn't yet. Guess that guy would think I'm a crappy mom, too.