Friday, September 25, 2009

Forgot About the Van

I was so focused on cleaning my house, I totally forgot that we might leave the house when my in-laws were here.  This means that we have to get in the van.  My van.

Let me digress for a moment, I used to date this guy when I was in college, and we were going to get married.  I used to tell him how I would NEVER drive a mini-van.  NEVER.  I was going to drive something cooler.  I used to tease people for buying mini vans.  I would never, ever, in a million gillion years buy a mini van.

We all know how that story ends.  Anyway, back to the tale at hand.  If we leave my house, which I imagine, given its current state will be top of mind for everyone involved, we have to do that by getting into my van.  How do I put this delicately.  A couple of minutes in the van, and you will long for the sanitary environment of my house.  You will have a whole new perspective on filth.

So, basically, this realization washes over me, while I am playing on the computer.  Beds still unmade.  I decide that since the dog hair rabbits are chasing Hannah, it might be a good idea to just leave the van.  Forget about it.  Concede the fact that I am a filthy pig to my MIL.  I find this...Mom My Ride.

That is it, my story.  I had my ride Mom'ed.  I am no longer lazy and sloppy, but hip and cool.  I am current.  YouTube does not lie.  This video leaves me strangely thankful for the fact that the kids have kicked soccer balls at my car, scratch and damaged the paint with their bikes/scooters/rocks/toy cars/finger nails/keys/chalk/paint/glitter/stickers, left juice boxes in the van so we now attract fruit flys/ants/mice/moles/zebra, and that there are so many toys that we are never bored on the road.  Did I mention that if you feel hungry, just reach down, there are enough crackers/french fries/chicken nuggets/chips/candy/fruit snacks/PB&Js on the floor to nibble on for months.  I feel empowered.

Of course, I left out the fact that my van does not will not ever play kid CDs.  See I am not completely THAT mom, I am cooler.  Sure my mini van is a garbage can on wheels, but dang it we rock out.  Yup, I pimped my mom'ed ride.  You may have my autograph.

Bottom line, my house is a mess and my van smells funny.  Next stop, the kids won't behave I promise you that.

Edit:  After I wrote this, I took Hannah to gymnastics.  I had 45 minutes and needed to pick up some yarn for a baby blanket, and the yarn I wanted was at a store that is in a semi-rural area.  While driving there, no less than 5 skunks were dead on the road.  I hit one, already dead, but still stinky.  Now my van smells like skunk too.  ::shakes fist at gods of mini-vans:: it never ends!

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