Saturday, February 6, 2010

Dead, completely totally dead

CHICAGO, IL --  In what appears to have been some sort of gang related death, the outline of a notorious knitter was found on her driveway.  Police reports indicate that it appears said knitter was walking back from the mail box when it happened.

This killing was similar in style to a rash of killings happening around the country.  It seems that the assailant kills the target and leaves behind hand knitted socks.  It is the calling card of the SockWars assassin.    
Police departments around the country and investigating.  It is believed that the kills are being conducted by more than one person, but that these killers are acting in a coordinated manner.  
Most of the killers leave some sort of treat behind for the families of the victims.  This killer was not different, leaving behind chocolates for the bereaved spouse and gummy bears for the orphans.  

The children mourn the loss of their mother, their sadness was quickly mitigated by the candy.  They were allowed to partake after police toxicology reports indicated that the only harmful chemical was high fructose corn syrup.
In a strange twist of events, the body of the knitter has not been recovered.  All that was left behind was the chalk outline and a pair of lovely socks.  Responding police officers were amazed by the quality of the stitch work, overwhelmed by the beauty of the yarn and many were left gasping when they saw that the socks were exactly the right size for the victim.

Police continue to investigate, FBI has been called, if you have any information on this killing, please call your local police office.  At this time police are actively looking for the victims body.


  1. Ummm . . . I assume the Creatively Dyed yarn featured in the picture, along with the socks, are for the grieving frog friend . . .

  2. i love how creative your posts are!