Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Ten Things

Previously in the discussion about my weekend, we learned that I went to the thriving metropolis of Moline.  (Not that there is anything wrong with Moline, the river walk area was really cute, but it is not Chicago)  The question remains, why was I there.  Brace yourself, I went to a concert, we saw the Scorpions.   

Dokken opened for the Scorpions.  I learned a few things from Don Dokken.  For those of you who have no clue who Dokken is, it is an '80's heavy metal hair band.  Remember when these guys had really big hair and played really loud?  Yeah, Dokken was one of them.  Photo:

I was a punker/new wave chick in high school, so this heavy metal crap is not really my speed.  That said, I appreciated the Scorpions.  Dokken on the other hand, not so much.  But we can survive anything.

So 10 things about Dokken:

1)  Once you reach a certain age, leather pants are not a good idea
2)  Once you reach a certain weight, leather pants are not a good idea
3)  How many cows had to die to make said leather pants?
4)  When you loose your hair, you can use a scarf to cover the loss.
5)  If the scarf is long enough it will simulate long hair
6)  If you talk about how much sex you have and how much you like to drink, stupid drunk women will throw themselves at you
7)  When wearing the aforementioned leather pants, it is important to also wear a cup
8)  What was in the red plastic cups that they kept tossing around?
9)  The 80's are over, get a haircut.  Be totally committed to business or party, not both.  Make a choice.
10)  You can fashion fairly effective ear plugs out of toilet paper.

Dokken was, well, right up there with Twilight on the I-found-it-to-be-a-satirical-commentary-and-laughed-my-ass-off meter.  Good times, I tell you good times.

Tomorrow, the candid review of the  Scorpions.

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