Sunday, August 8, 2010

Is it over?

The final thing I surmised would happen while I was gone, was that my brother's custody battle would be resolved.  Well, with the efficiency and lighting quick speed of the court system,  a it was not.

Apparently their court date was really a date to get their case on the calendar.  You know like talking to the hostess in the restaurant and they put your name on the list for a table.  They will have a trial in Octoberish.  This is probably alright, as the way things are right now is not a bad thing.  That said, the drama and and the anticipation of the "big event" are still delayed.

When I have friends come and talk to me about getting divorced, I think about what is going on in this situation.  Granted, it is unlikely that any separation could be more acrimonious, but when I think about the impact on my nephew, my advice is always to try and work it out.  Don't have any kids?  Knock yourself out, do what you want, but if you have kids, think about it.

This does not mean that there are not situations where divorce is the right decision.  That said, even the most friendly separation has an impact on the kids that is not positive.  It is a life changing event, not just for the adults, but the kids too. 

All you children of divorce who turned out alright, cool your jets.  Think back to how you felt when everything was going down.  Remember the anxiety and angst as you had to adjust to the break up?  Remember the longing for an intact family, even if you didn't like your mother or father?  It sucked didn't it? 

That said, I am not saying that divorce is wrong all the time, I am just saying that in our country we tend to get divorced a little too quickly without any real thought about the impact on the kids.  In my brother's situation, this break up was most likely the right thing for him and for his son.  To his credit, he lived in a pretty untenable situation for a long time because he wanted to keep his family together.  Now, I think it is time to let the chickens come home to roost.

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