I was reading the newsletter for a club I am in... you know the one that wanted Santa at their Christmas party, and then were allowed to do just that and did. Yeah, that club. Anyway, the President is ending her term and the newsletter editor thanked her for all her hard work, which is appropriate. The part that got me was that she said that this person changed her life. Guess what, the president of this club changed mine too.
She solidified my position on my family, or rather she polarized me. As a result I write diatribes in my blog about being in an interfaith family on a pretty regular basis. These diatribes have resulted in some interesting things, which aren't solidified so I won't talk about them...
She caused me to leave an organization that I before that loved, in a huge puff of smoke. I was so angry and hurt and generally dismayed by the whole situation and no one has spoken to me since. I wonder if it was because they were just being nice in the first place or if it was because they are now scared of me. But, they weren't my "friends" to begin with, and it is interesting to learn that.
She caused me to reach out to other people that were in my periphery, and as a result I have some friends that are actually friends. I might have ignored them otherwise, but as part of my leaving the club I had to fill the time, and I decided to reach out to other people.
She made me look at myself. Sure my behavior was not probably very appropriate, but she has to be willing to own her total dismissal of my concerns and complete lack of support. I don't think she will ever see it that way, and as a result I do not trust her and think that she is not a very good person. I think she just thinks I have an anger problem. But who knows. To think I gave her old toys, and asked her to come to my knitting group. That will teach me to be more exclusive.
But, at the end of the day, I would not be where I am right now if she hadn't been president of that club. I am actually pretty happy about where I am right now. But, I don't think thanking her for being a bigot is exactly where I am at either.