I have been thinking about adoption a lot lately. I suppose it has something to do with my birthday. I always wonder if my mother thinks about me on my birthday. I imagine that she always did when I was younger. I am fairly certain my first birthday did not escape her radar.
Now that I am so much older and she has sat with her decision to give me up for a long time, does she still remember? I imagine when September approaches she might think about it briefly, but on the specific day does she wonder where I am and what I am doing? I know I always wonder where she is and what she is doing. I wonder why she doesn't register with the services that help you find each other. I wonder if finding me at this point in her life would be so horrible. I certainly don't need another mother and doesn't she wonder how I turned out?
How many of you are mothers or fathers? Could you imagine giving up your child to someone you have never met? How long would you wonder if that child was doing okay? Now that I have kids, I can not imagine being pregnant for 9 months and not getting the prize at the end. That said, I was also not 16 and alone in the world. I was in a committed relationship with someone who would help me raise that child.
When I think about teenagers, children really, who have babies and keep them, I think but why don't you give it up? But, I think it has a lot to do with getting the prize after 9 months of being pregnant. A 16 year old child that gives up her baby is not really a child, but someone wise enough to understand that raising a baby to adulthood is a commitment that she isn't ready to make. It shows a level of maturity that many are not able to muster.
I am forever in debt to my mother, she made the choice to have me and not keep me. She didn't take the easy way out and abort the pregnancy. She didn't choose to keep her baby. She wanted me to have a better life, a chance at something more than she could provide me. For that I applauded and appreciate her wisdom and bravery. One day I wish I could tell her that myself.