I see faces. I am not crazy, but I see faces of the people that I left. I think it is the minds way of making all the change seem familiar. To look for the people and things that are like the way it used to be, to make things seem like they are familiar.
I am painting every room the same color it used to be. I am decorating the house to look like my old one. I feel like maybe I should change, do something different. Perhaps it is too much for me to process too much change, I need to make something, the things I can control like they used to be. I want to go home, to go back.
The kids are struggling with the fact that everything is different. They are overwhelmed by all the change, all the new people. Hannah hates everyone. She only likes people that are familiar, which of course are the ones that are not here.
We can not go back. Even if we did, it wouldn't be the same. That bridge is burnt. Our old lives are left in a smoking heap. They don't exist anymore.
So, I look for faces, things that are like they used to be. Anything to chase the overwhelming loneliness away. Slowly I suppose we will make friends and less and less will we see the faces of our old friends in strangers in the grocery store.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Monday, September 1, 2008
We waited....
I learned a lesson while waiting. That bad things happen so you can appreciate the good and joyful things in your life.
The first 2 weeks were a bit like vacation. We hung out, went to the pool and various museums. We checked stuff out. It was ok, kinda lonely, but ok.
Then school started, and it got crazy. Driving the kids to school basically blows. It is super tiring, and by the end of the week, I am pooped. But, we go through Mac's first day, without any problems. Then it was Sam's turn. We drove to the house, parked and started walking, and low and behold a bus drove by and asked us if we would like a ride. Wonders never cease, since we hadn't talked about it Sam wasn't into it. The next day he rode the bus. He liked it. He liked it so much he decided that he should ride it home to, when his teacher told him no, he freaked. When he saw me he threw the mother of all temper tantrums. Of course this was in front of the entire school, where all the parents are in line to pick up their kids, all the teachers and the principal are out there. I ended up having to carry him, while he was screaming, "you are hurting me," to the car. It was lovely. He screamed until 4:30, so for an hour.
The next day, the nurse pulled the kids from gym because our forms said CT on them and not IL. Mac went into a tail spin about this. He cried and hit me because I didn't turn the forms in. He told me all the kids were going to hate him and think he was stupid.... it was lovely, and against the law.
The next day was Friday... got the forms in, got the kids situated... all seemed well again. WRONG. Tuesday morning some kids tried to hit my kids with rocks...then Sam go hit by a bike. I was not impressed.
By the end of the week we saw the movers move the people out of our new house, and we think we see the light at the end of the tunnel. (it might be a train!)
But as we went through all of this stress, Hannah and I sang songs and jumped over cracks while the boys were in school. Spending time with her and her mostly unflappably happy attitude certainly helped make things seem like they might actually be better. I truly enjoyed her. Without the bad, I might have missed these moments with her.
The first 2 weeks were a bit like vacation. We hung out, went to the pool and various museums. We checked stuff out. It was ok, kinda lonely, but ok.
Then school started, and it got crazy. Driving the kids to school basically blows. It is super tiring, and by the end of the week, I am pooped. But, we go through Mac's first day, without any problems. Then it was Sam's turn. We drove to the house, parked and started walking, and low and behold a bus drove by and asked us if we would like a ride. Wonders never cease, since we hadn't talked about it Sam wasn't into it. The next day he rode the bus. He liked it. He liked it so much he decided that he should ride it home to, when his teacher told him no, he freaked. When he saw me he threw the mother of all temper tantrums. Of course this was in front of the entire school, where all the parents are in line to pick up their kids, all the teachers and the principal are out there. I ended up having to carry him, while he was screaming, "you are hurting me," to the car. It was lovely. He screamed until 4:30, so for an hour.
The next day, the nurse pulled the kids from gym because our forms said CT on them and not IL. Mac went into a tail spin about this. He cried and hit me because I didn't turn the forms in. He told me all the kids were going to hate him and think he was stupid.... it was lovely, and against the law.
The next day was Friday... got the forms in, got the kids situated... all seemed well again. WRONG. Tuesday morning some kids tried to hit my kids with rocks...then Sam go hit by a bike. I was not impressed.
By the end of the week we saw the movers move the people out of our new house, and we think we see the light at the end of the tunnel. (it might be a train!)
But as we went through all of this stress, Hannah and I sang songs and jumped over cracks while the boys were in school. Spending time with her and her mostly unflappably happy attitude certainly helped make things seem like they might actually be better. I truly enjoyed her. Without the bad, I might have missed these moments with her.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Here we are... now what
We watched all our worldly belongings drive down the street headed towards Rhode Island. We met the people who bought our house, perhaps they aren't so bad. We loaded everyone, 3 kids and a dog, into 2 cars. We drove for 3 days and here we are. We live in 1200 square feet.
It is all a little surreal. It seems like we are on vacation. In spite of the fact that we left the house with nothing in it, it still felt like we were just leaving for a trip and that we would come back soon. It didn't seem like good bye forever. But it was.
Our apartment, while wholly adequate, is well an apartment. Not really appropriate for a family of 5 and a dog. The kids are at loose ends. They don't have any friends to play with. They don't have an activities to attend. It is all a bit odd. It seems like a vacation. I like to pretend that we are in a vacation condo on Maui.
We have seen the house, registered the kids for school. Now we wait. We wait. The kids are acting out, I am sad and lonely. We wait for our lives to start. This is all like a huge pause in our lives. We wait for the next chapter to begin.
It is all a little surreal. It seems like we are on vacation. In spite of the fact that we left the house with nothing in it, it still felt like we were just leaving for a trip and that we would come back soon. It didn't seem like good bye forever. But it was.
Our apartment, while wholly adequate, is well an apartment. Not really appropriate for a family of 5 and a dog. The kids are at loose ends. They don't have any friends to play with. They don't have an activities to attend. It is all a bit odd. It seems like a vacation. I like to pretend that we are in a vacation condo on Maui.
We have seen the house, registered the kids for school. Now we wait. We wait. The kids are acting out, I am sad and lonely. We wait for our lives to start. This is all like a huge pause in our lives. We wait for the next chapter to begin.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Just a small rant
Ok, here is the deal. We are 5 days away from selling our lovely home to the most nasty people in the world. They are completely disrespectful. Their agent, hmm yeah, she is even worse!
I got a call on at 4:00 on Thursday and was informed that they would be inspecting our chimney the next day. What??? Their time for inspections has past, they can look at the work we did, but they can not do more inspections and expect us to do more work. The kicker is that they buyers wanted to see the house again. Yeah, they can see the house all they want once they own it. I am in the middle of packing and they want me to clean up the house so they can see it????? Is this the pre-closing inspection? No, they just want to look. OMG. I have 3 little kids, who are completely freaking out that we are moving and these sob's want to look at my house? My husband told me the could look from the street.
Susanne Vacek, their agent, has to be the stupidest woman on the planet. I can not express how much I hate her. She has lied to us, told us one thing and done another. I can not believe it. She actually called our chimney contractor, with out our knowledge. She claims we didn't give her the information she requested. WTF, she didn't request any information. We sent her the paperwork and pictures of the work. She told my chimney people that she didn't get any pictures. This is so unethical, I have half a mind to report her to the board of realtors.
This isn't the first time this chick has lied to us, she told our agent no one was in our home except the buyers. HMMM, I saw with my eyeballs two van loads of folks pulling away from my house after they had been in it for 2 hours. So who were the other people in the other van???? Liar liar pants on fire.
She also told us one thing and did another on every single written document. We would think we had agreed to one thing verbally, and then the paperwork would be completely different.
The killer is that our home is impeccably maintained, my husband and I are ridiculous about maintenance. We have records for everything and we updated the home and kept it very well. They act like we never did anything to the house. Yet the only inspection issues they could come up with totaled $300 bucks. We told them no. They are getting a lovely home for a great price in a wonderful neighborhood. You would think that they would be happy and respectful. NOPE.
Oh well, if you ever live in Vernon, don't use Susanne Vacek from DW Fish of Manchester CT. She will alienate your sellers and probably your buyers!
**** editorial note, because my husband wanted to wait until the money was in our account before I posted this, this rant is actually out of order. *****
I got a call on at 4:00 on Thursday and was informed that they would be inspecting our chimney the next day. What??? Their time for inspections has past, they can look at the work we did, but they can not do more inspections and expect us to do more work. The kicker is that they buyers wanted to see the house again. Yeah, they can see the house all they want once they own it. I am in the middle of packing and they want me to clean up the house so they can see it????? Is this the pre-closing inspection? No, they just want to look. OMG. I have 3 little kids, who are completely freaking out that we are moving and these sob's want to look at my house? My husband told me the could look from the street.
Susanne Vacek, their agent, has to be the stupidest woman on the planet. I can not express how much I hate her. She has lied to us, told us one thing and done another. I can not believe it. She actually called our chimney contractor, with out our knowledge. She claims we didn't give her the information she requested. WTF, she didn't request any information. We sent her the paperwork and pictures of the work. She told my chimney people that she didn't get any pictures. This is so unethical, I have half a mind to report her to the board of realtors.
This isn't the first time this chick has lied to us, she told our agent no one was in our home except the buyers. HMMM, I saw with my eyeballs two van loads of folks pulling away from my house after they had been in it for 2 hours. So who were the other people in the other van???? Liar liar pants on fire.
She also told us one thing and did another on every single written document. We would think we had agreed to one thing verbally, and then the paperwork would be completely different.
The killer is that our home is impeccably maintained, my husband and I are ridiculous about maintenance. We have records for everything and we updated the home and kept it very well. They act like we never did anything to the house. Yet the only inspection issues they could come up with totaled $300 bucks. We told them no. They are getting a lovely home for a great price in a wonderful neighborhood. You would think that they would be happy and respectful. NOPE.
Oh well, if you ever live in Vernon, don't use Susanne Vacek from DW Fish of Manchester CT. She will alienate your sellers and probably your buyers!
**** editorial note, because my husband wanted to wait until the money was in our account before I posted this, this rant is actually out of order. *****
Monday, July 28, 2008
Hi, are you Susanne?
Ok, so here's the scene. It is 8:45ish and the Paul Arpin truck pulls up in front of the house. (Paul Arpin ROCKS btw) It is only a box truck, not the big semi, which I was informed by the 5 year old was not what I promised. He was pretty let down, but I digress.
So, the guys from Paul Arpin are here, give them the nickel tour of the house and they are getting boxes from the box truck. (Get it? Ok, well, I thought is was funny. Yeah, no one else does either.) They are bringing in the load and there is this young guy at my door. I say hi. He says, "Are you Susanne?" I say, "yeah." Now, I know my name is Susanna, but in the history of the world, no contractor has ever called me that. He says to me, I am here to look at the chimney. I say ok. He tells me that someone called him and said the chimney was falling apart. I said "WTF? I don't think so." I told him that the crown had cracked and that we had it fixed. He could inspect the crown. He said ok. I also told him that if he wanted to go on the roof I needed to see his insurance. He said he didn't need to go on the roof. He told me everything look solid to him, and he left. I thought GREAT!!! The AH's didn't come! Maybe they aren't so bad after all.
So I am in the house making food for the kids and I get this feeling that the swine were out there. Sure as poop, they were. We let them cool their heels in the street for a half an hour. After I was pretty certain that they had called the chimney contractor and talked to him, I grabbed the 2yr old and went outside and had a chat with them.
I tried to schedule the walk through, but they would have nothing of that. I also gave the realtor a piece of my mind about her calling my chimney contractor. She had the audacity to accuse me of not sending the information. Now, everyone that knows me knows that I am pretty buttoned up, so this is a ludicrous accusation. She was extremely combative, and I finally told her that we are trying to do the right thing. I was pretty upset that they keep kicking us. Have I mentioned that I HATE her? Hate is actually too mild a word. Unbelievable!
Anyway, the good thing was that she assured me that they planned on closing. I hope that happens. I really do, because if it doesn't I plan to sue them for liquidated damages.
Only 3 more days, only 3 more days.
So, the guys from Paul Arpin are here, give them the nickel tour of the house and they are getting boxes from the box truck. (Get it? Ok, well, I thought is was funny. Yeah, no one else does either.) They are bringing in the load and there is this young guy at my door. I say hi. He says, "Are you Susanne?" I say, "yeah." Now, I know my name is Susanna, but in the history of the world, no contractor has ever called me that. He says to me, I am here to look at the chimney. I say ok. He tells me that someone called him and said the chimney was falling apart. I said "WTF? I don't think so." I told him that the crown had cracked and that we had it fixed. He could inspect the crown. He said ok. I also told him that if he wanted to go on the roof I needed to see his insurance. He said he didn't need to go on the roof. He told me everything look solid to him, and he left. I thought GREAT!!! The AH's didn't come! Maybe they aren't so bad after all.
So I am in the house making food for the kids and I get this feeling that the swine were out there. Sure as poop, they were. We let them cool their heels in the street for a half an hour. After I was pretty certain that they had called the chimney contractor and talked to him, I grabbed the 2yr old and went outside and had a chat with them.
I tried to schedule the walk through, but they would have nothing of that. I also gave the realtor a piece of my mind about her calling my chimney contractor. She had the audacity to accuse me of not sending the information. Now, everyone that knows me knows that I am pretty buttoned up, so this is a ludicrous accusation. She was extremely combative, and I finally told her that we are trying to do the right thing. I was pretty upset that they keep kicking us. Have I mentioned that I HATE her? Hate is actually too mild a word. Unbelievable!
Anyway, the good thing was that she assured me that they planned on closing. I hope that happens. I really do, because if it doesn't I plan to sue them for liquidated damages.
Only 3 more days, only 3 more days.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Are they for real?
So, we told our realtor that the buyers couldn't come and see our house on Monday, the chimney guy could come, but they couldn't. Our movers are coming between 8 and 10 on Monday, and having them arrive at the same time too is a bit overwhelming.
When we told them that only the chimney guy could come, they got mad and didn't understand why we wouldn't let them in the house. Tomorrow should be interesting. I am on the brink of a nervous break down!
The kids are excited to get going and see the truck. I think everything will be much better once we are in our temporary apartment and our current home is sold. Seeing the money in the bank will make me very very very happy.
I ask everyone to pray for me to make it through this and to have our house actually be sold. I never thought that selling our house could be so amazingly difficult!
When we told them that only the chimney guy could come, they got mad and didn't understand why we wouldn't let them in the house. Tomorrow should be interesting. I am on the brink of a nervous break down!
The kids are excited to get going and see the truck. I think everything will be much better once we are in our temporary apartment and our current home is sold. Seeing the money in the bank will make me very very very happy.
I ask everyone to pray for me to make it through this and to have our house actually be sold. I never thought that selling our house could be so amazingly difficult!
Friday, July 25, 2008
My last girls night
It is very sad, we had our last girls night. I am going to miss my friends so much. I have had so many negative experiences in my life that it is hard for be to believe that I have some many great friends.
I wasn't very popular in High School and even after college, people were pretty mean to me. So I was very nervous about staying home and trying to make mommy friends. I have gotten to the point where I have some wonderful relationships, and now I have to leave them. :(
I am very nervous about meeting new people in the new place. Will they be nice? Will I like them? Will they be muffys? Will they be regular people who like to coupon? Will I find a job?
So much unknown. It is scary and I feel like I want to cry every time I think about the move.
The whole thing has been really stressful. It seems that everything thing that could go wrong has gone wrong. My husband won't let me go into detail yet, but once it is over, I have some stories for you! Needless to say, I go to bed crying most nights because of the sadness of it, but also because of the overwhelming stress.
I wasn't very popular in High School and even after college, people were pretty mean to me. So I was very nervous about staying home and trying to make mommy friends. I have gotten to the point where I have some wonderful relationships, and now I have to leave them. :(
I am very nervous about meeting new people in the new place. Will they be nice? Will I like them? Will they be muffys? Will they be regular people who like to coupon? Will I find a job?
So much unknown. It is scary and I feel like I want to cry every time I think about the move.
The whole thing has been really stressful
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Is the siding coming?
The truck is scheduled to arrive in 10 days. The count down is on. My 7 year old is concerned about leaving his friends and all the change that is coming down the pike. My 2 year old is clueless. She just dances around and plays with her toys. Her pack? I don't think so!
But, my 5 year old, he is very concerned about what is coming with us. We look at the virtual tour of the house almost daily so he can see his room and the playroom where his toys will be.
"Mom, why do Mac-y and Hannah have beds in their rooms? My room is just empty?" Says Sam.
"All the furniture in the new house will be gone when we get there sweetie."
"But Mom, where is our furniture going?"
"It is going into storage for a month and then the truck will bring it to our new house."
"Are the men taking our beds?"
"Yes," I say getting exasperated with the daily questions about what is coming and what is staying.
"Are they taking the stuff on the side of the house?"
"Yes, sweetie, they are taking your toys from the side of the house," I say, as I start to walk out of the room.
"No Mommy, the plastic stuff on the outside of the house."
"You mean the siding? No, that stays, our new house will have siding."
"But Mommy our new house has bricks."
Leave it to a 5 year old to state the obvious.
But, my 5 year old, he is very concerned about what is coming with us. We look at the virtual tour of the house almost daily so he can see his room and the playroom where his toys will be.
"Mom, why do Mac-y and Hannah have beds in their rooms? My room is just empty?" Says Sam.
"All the furniture in the new house will be gone when we get there sweetie."
"But Mom, where is our furniture going?"
"It is going into storage for a month and then the truck will bring it to our new house."
"Are the men taking our beds?"
"Yes," I say getting exasperated with the daily questions about what is coming and what is staying.
"Are they taking the stuff on the side of the house?"
"Yes, sweetie, they are taking your toys from the side of the house," I say, as I start to walk out of the room.
"No Mommy, the plastic stuff on the outside of the house."
"You mean the siding? No, that stays, our new house will have siding."
"But Mommy our new house has bricks."
Leave it to a 5 year old to state the obvious.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Homelessness
As we are embarking on a cross country move, we have the unfortunate situation of being between houses for a month. We have also had a financing snafu, and almost lost the new house. This caused me great angst! I couldn't imagine not having an address, especially with three small kids. It just seemed very horrible.
The paper had an article about a little girl who had been homeless for most of her life, and was now living in a shelter. She was being profiled because she had received high honors in school. It got me thinking, as we traverse our "homelessness" situation, about how bad it would be to truly be homeless.
I couldn't even imagine how stressful and scary that would be for me and my kids. What would we do? How do you send your kids to school so that they can get ahead? How do they study and do homework if you don't have any place to live? The simple details of life that I take for granted become a huge problem if you don't have a place to call home.
When I think about it that way, I realize how incredibly spoiled I am. Some folks would probably give their eye teeth to have the apartment my family will live in for a month. It would probably seem lavish to someone who was living in a homeless shelter. I thank God that I am able to fill the gap between houses.
The paper had an article about a little girl who had been homeless for most of her life, and was now living in a shelter. She was being profiled because she had received high honors in school. It got me thinking, as we traverse our "homelessness" situation, about how bad it would be to truly be homeless.
I couldn't even imagine how stressful and scary that would be for me and my kids. What would we do? How do you send your kids to school so that they can get ahead? How do they study and do homework if you don't have any place to live? The simple details of life that I take for granted become a huge problem if you don't have a place to call home.
When I think about it that way, I realize how incredibly spoiled I am. Some folks would probably give their eye teeth to have the apartment my family will live in for a month. It would probably seem lavish to someone who was living in a homeless shelter. I thank God that I am able to fill the gap between houses.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Moving
It has been awhile since I have done this. I suppose writing a column for a weekly parenting newsletter has taken up much time. Since that is coming to an end, I am going to need an outlet. So I return.
We are moving. We sold our house really fast. I hope it stays that way, but right now it is under contract. YEAH! This seems to be a small miracle given the housing market. On the other hand finding a new house seems to be a huge issue. You would think given the fact that there are over 100 homes for sale in our target area we would be able to find one. Yeah, not so much.
It seems all the houses that I like are either on a busy street, sex offender adjacent, have no yard, in the one elementary school district that is bad, etc. It has almost become a joke, if I like the house, the location must be a problem. We have finally found one that we like, can afford, and in a good area, but we can not get into for a month after our house closes. So we are going to be homeless for a month.
So for a month, I will be living with 3 kids, ages 2, 5, 7 in a 2 bedroom apartment with my husband and our dog. My husband will be working from home, so I have to keep everyone quiet. I haven't decided the best solution for this, muzzles perhaps?
I suppose the kids and I will explore every park, McDonalds Playland, museum, and zoo in the great Chicagoland area!
We are moving. We sold our house really fast. I hope it stays that way, but right now it is under contract. YEAH! This seems to be a small miracle given the housing market. On the other hand finding a new house seems to be a huge issue. You would think given the fact that there are over 100 homes for sale in our target area we would be able to find one. Yeah, not so much.
It seems all the houses that I like are either on a busy street, sex offender adjacent, have no yard, in the one elementary school district that is bad, etc. It has almost become a joke, if I like the house, the location must be a problem. We have finally found one that we like, can afford, and in a good area, but we can not get into for a month after our house closes. So we are going to be homeless for a month.
So for a month, I will be living with 3 kids, ages 2, 5, 7 in a 2 bedroom apartment with my husband and our dog. My husband will be working from home, so I have to keep everyone quiet. I haven't decided the best solution for this, muzzles perhaps?
I suppose the kids and I will explore every park, McDonalds Playland, museum, and zoo in the great Chicagoland area!
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