FAIL blog post

When I was growing up we used to tease my mother mercilessly when she did really stupid things.  Us kids would question her intelligence.  We would tell her she was stupid.  Yes, yes, it was rude and disrespectful, but in our defense, she did do some really crazy things.

For example, she tossed the mail into the box, and my father's pay check went in along with it.  She ended up bribing a postal worker to give it back to her.  This was of course after we waiting for about an hour for him to come.  The times on the boxes apparently are just a suggestion.

Sometimes I think my mother cursed me to do really stupid things, now that I am an adult.  I like to say it is because my kids sucked all my brain cells out of my head, but I am not sure that is the issue.

Yesterday, I went to the bank to deposit a couple of checks.  I had enough that I felt a deposit slip was in order.  So, I grabbed a book of checks from my desk drawer and pulled a deposit slip.  I am much more anal about using deposit slips after I deposited money at the ATM and it didn't show up in my checking account.  (It showed up in my savings account... that is a whole different story though.)

I filled out the slip, did the math, and since it was mostly round numbers, I got the math right.  I drive up at the drive through teller and put all my stuff in the tube and press send.

All was going well.  Then all the other cars left and I was still there.  I began to wonder, is there a problem?  Just as I begin to ponder the situation, the teller comes back and says, "Are you sure you are at the right bank?"

"Am I sure I am at the right bank?" I ask back, "Yes, I am at the right bank."

"Well your deposit slip is not from here."

"Yeah, I know that, it is from National City, remember that hostile take over a couple of months ago?  I haven't bought new checks yet."

"I am aware of that, but this slip is from ACB."

"Oh," I replied lamely, "right bank, wrong slip."

The teller, in spite of my nasty remark, kindly offers to look up my account and make the deposit for me.  I was kicking myself for not just using the ATM.  This wouldn't not have happened if I used the ATM.

She sends my completed transaction back, and tells me she is sending some suckers too.  That it seemed like I was having a hard day and she saw a small person in my car.  Hannah was there to witness her mother's demise. 

I take the tube out of the holder.  I take the stuff out of the tube.  I put the tube down on the passenger seat and hand Hannah a sucker.  I drive off.

Pop Quiz:  What step did I forget?

Answer:  If you said to put the tube back in the holder, well you would be correct.  Yeah you.

I was half way home when I had to pull a U-turn so I could take the tube back.  I went into the bank just so they didn't think I was drunk.  I told the teller, not the first one I didn't see her, that I failed drive through banking and that I was really sorry.  She didn't laugh in my face.

Oh, and Hannah was in her PJ's.

Verdict:  Drive Through Banking FAIL.

No more buffer

Every where I go, people out to know, not to blaspheme.  I take use of word like, fall, autumn, that other word I can't bring myself to say or even type, you know wons, very seriously. 

Such as the other day when I walked into the house, on a day cool enough to keep the windows open, finally, and my loving spouse assaults me with the following statement:  "It feels like fall."  I don't have anything against fall per say.  I rather like fall.  The issue I have with fall is that it is a heart beat away from that other season.  Fall is my buffer season.  As long as it isn't fall, that other season, is still a season away.

While walking with Hannah the other day, we were by the water retention pond.  I have been known to break up the monotony of our daily lives in say January, to take the kids to this area to ride on sleds.  Hannah stops, look at the area, points to the hill and says, "When it snows Mommy, can you take us sledding?"    This kid said the word.  Out in public.  Is there no decency left in the world?

Even worse, one reads a blog post such as this one in of the blogs I follow....  I should have been a stripper.  The link won't bring you back, but that is ok, because I am done here.  I am off to negotiate with that other season and see if we can have another summer.

Birthday Interview

It is my tradition to interview the birthday person in our household.  Since I can not interview myself, today's post is created by Mac.  I am not sure what will happen and do not take any responsibility for the content of today's post.

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How does it feel to be 22?  I am not sure I can remember that far back.

You can't remember today?  I am not turning 22 today, but it is nice of you to say so.  This year I am actually going to fly my age happily, because I am the answer today.

What does that mean?  I am the answer to the question.  The question is what is the meaning of life?  This year, I am the answer.

So, you are your age?  I am my age, are you your age?  What kind of question is that.

Back on track here, how does it feel to be the mother of 1 adoring child and 2 other kids?  I was going to ask what happened to the other two kids.  Which one is the adoring one, you?

No, the one who made you a newspaper.  That is you.

Yes, I know.  Well then you are just being self serving by not saying yes to my earlier question.

Ok, then, can I have a new video game?  I thought we were interviewing me about me, not about your consumerism.

Fine, umm, did you enjoy your newspaper?  Yes, it was very nice, I liked the coupons best I think.

Why did you have two other kids?  Hard hitting journalism here.  I had two other kids because I think Dad is cute.

So he is cute?  What does that make me adorable?  I thought we already established that.

They are fighting right now, any regrets about having them?  It is my birthday, I am not answering that question.

So far I am the only kid who has given you a present?  The day is still young, who knows what will happen.

Do you still love me no matter what?  Why do you ask, what did you do?  Just answer the question.  Yes, I love you, no matter what.  I think this interview is over.  Darn.

House Anniversary

This is the anniversary of the day we closed on our house.  It is a day I will never forget, because getting out of that apartment and into our house was such a great thing.  We ordered pizza and ate it on the floor in the new house.  Our stuff was still a couple of days away.

The first year with our house was not so good.  I replaced a lot of things and the house was fairly sound by the time I was done.  This year, the house held it together for the most part.  We did have a smallish flood in the basement, so that had to be repaired.  We are finally replacing the leaky faucet.  Tomorrow actually.  It is a happy anniversary gift for the house and a birthday present for me.

I don't love this house the way I loved our other one.  But, I think that has more to do with how much I still want to change about it and less to do with the house itself.  There are good bones here.  It still isn't "me" yet, but we are beginning to appreciate each other.

There are some very large ticket items in this house that need to be fixed.  Given the current financial climate, they are likely to remain unfixed for as long as possible.  Eventually, we will be right side up on the house and right side up on our finances and we can start to make the house pretty. 

But for now, we have accepted each other.  Water damage and all.

Lessons learned

Really, it never fails.  The more sweaty and nasty I look the greater the likelihood I will run into someone I know.  It is like a great law of the universe.  Of course, the more vile I look, the more amazing they will look, the more important it is to me to at least look respectable.

This axiom of life applies to the behavior of my children.  The greater the likelihood of a public display of temper tantrum, the greater the likelihood I will run into someone with perfect children.  Someone who will look at me with general disdain.

To prove the axiom is totally true, I submit the following:

No husband for dinner, means eating out to me.  Monday means house cleaning day, and given that it is the beginning of the school year and I don't clean in the summer, Monday house cleaning days are an all day affair.  It is hotter than hell here, so I was needless to say, not looking my best when I left the house to take the kids to Culvers.   But, as they say a picture is worth a thousand words.

Small digression here, that is not what I looked like, I looked more like this,

but when I typed disheveled mommy into google that was the first picture that popped up.  Seriously?  That is disheveled.  EGADS.  Oh, and you can not use dirty, messy or sloppy mommy, because that brings up porn.

Ok, on with the story here.  I was not looking top notch.  I run into some of the folks who wanted Santa at the holiday party last year.  You all remember.  It was just lovely.  I have been to Culvers about a million times, and NEVER seen anyone I know.  Today, when the kids were melting down, and I looked like hell, they decide to turn up?

I think there might have been some sort of food stuff in my hair.   Certainly there was dirty spots on my clothes.  Of course they both looked fabulous and put together and their kids were angels.  You could almost here the harp music in the background.  As usual, I looked like I had just been released from jail and my kids were about to go there.

Just proves that it is prudent to brush your hair and slap on some lipstick before you leave the house.  Lesson learned....  Mom you were right.

September Goals

I for one CAN NOT believe that it is already September.  Happy Birthday to me! :)

I only have 5 goals, and they all revolve around finishing things!  I am going to finish off a bunch of outstanding projects.  While I am starting Hannah's monkey, it is more like I am fulfilling a promise.  Besides, her birthday is rapidly approaching! 

1. Finish my sweater
2. Finish my March club socks
3. Finish Martha's stocking
4. Start Hannah's monkey
5. Do 10 squares on my blanket

Birthday Interview

So, Mr. Lang, can you please tell me about the highlights of your past year?  For starters, I have been a student teacher, and I am pretty sure I can read what you are writing over your shoulder.  

I guess this means I don't need to read it to you?  Yes, Mom, I am 10.

Other than being a student teacher, any other big moments in your 9th year?  Ummm...  I only have 7 years at Hogwarts.

I am not sure what Hogwarts has to do with anything?  Harry Potter is awesome.

Mr. Lang, we are discussing your 9th year... I told you Hogwarts only has 7 years.

Alright, so, as you embark on double digits, any special plans?  Yes, to blow up the school... but save all the teachers.


Great, so now we need to phone the police.  No we don't, they were here last night and I told them I didn't do it.

That was not the police, but Fish and Wildlife.  Perhaps the fish are in touch with the FBI.

Mr. Lang, I do not advise starting your 10th year with a felony charge.  Do you have any other plans?  Or do you need a time out?  Umm.... ummm... hmmmm....stop writing everything I say.

It is an interview Mr. Lang, I am supposed to write what you say, if you don't want me to write it don't say it.  This is sort of a comedy isn't it?  Why yes it is.

Back to the question about your plans for the future.  I plan to train really hard for soccer.

Sounds like a good goal.  Yes, I will be scoring goals.  I hope you have a good birthday.  Thank you Mr. Lang for your time. Stop calling me that, I want to be Mac.  I haven't turned in my student teacher pass.

This concludes our interview with the birthday boy.