We are currently even

Yesterday in my email I found a notice from Zillow, stating that my house was now worth what I paid for it.  That was very comforting.  So, I decided to see what homes Zillow was using for comps, doing this I learned that one of my neighbors is in pre-foreclosure.

Pre-foreclosure, is when the owner lists the house for sale and trys to sell it before the foreclosure proceedings start.  There is one house on the street that Zillow says it is on that is for sale.  It has been for sale since before I moved in here.  Almost 3 years.  I wonder if it is that house.  I wonder if pre-foreclosure homes would have a sign in front of them, or if there is some special market of homes that are in this situation.

Needless to say, our current situation sort of stresses me out a little.  We are ok, right now, but by the grace of God go I, as we could find ourselves in that same boat.  I like to think that it is pretty unlikely, that Bob not will find a job before the money runs out.  That if it does run out, my mother will save us.  I like to think we have a safety net.

The houses we live in are the type that people were buying and sinking tons of money into back in the day.  There are people in this neighborhood who drive fancy cars and spend like there is no tomorrow.  I tell myself, it is one of those over-leveraged types that is in this situation.  But, the reality is that the family that this is happening to it probably really nice, and super stressed about it.

While I ask God everyday to help us solve our problem, to help us find peace.  I think I will also start asking him to help the family, who ever they are, in pre-foreclosure.  I imagine he has access to the foreclosure list and can figure out who to send the good thoughts.  If you have a moment, we would appreciate any prayers you have for our situation, we hope that we land in the right place, quickly.

Black Card

 In the mail today, I received, and invitation for a Black Card.  It comes in a nifty all black envelope, with gold lettering.  It was printed on very nice paper.  I was very curious to see what sort of advert I had gotten.  My money was that it was something from Black & White.  For some reason they think I should shop there.  Lo and behold, it was for a Black Card.

This is a very fancy credit card, for those of you not in the know.  I shall share with you the text from the website and the invitation:

For those who demand only the best of what life has to offer, the exclusive Visa Black Card is for you. The Black Card is not just another piece of plastic. Made with carbon, it is the ultimate buying tool. 

The Black Card is not for everyone. In fact, it is limited to only 1% of U.S. residents to ensure the highest caliber of personal service is provided to every Cardmember.

Become a Black Card member today and enjoy our 24-hour world class Concierge Service ready to assist you with all your business, travel and leisure needs.

--Copied from Blackcard.com

You read it correctly, plastic is no longer plastic, it is carbon.  That is correct, you can have a credit card made of charcoal.  I can hear it now, Santa, please put coal in my stocking this year.  I want a Black Card.

I am in so many groups, but none so exclusive as this one... I am in the group of 10% unemployed, and now am in the 1% of Americans important enough to have a Black Card.  We may be unemployed, receiving charity and unemployment benefits, but we can have access to 24 hour a day concierge services.

I checked into this concierge service situation.  You never know what you might learn!  My conversation, when something like this:

"Hello, is this the concierge service?"

"Yes ma'am it is," replies concierge on the other end.

"Great, according to this ad I got in the mail for the Black Card, it says that you will help me with all my needs," I state.

"Yes, that is correct."

"Lovely, my husband has been unemployed for 3 months, I really need you to get him a job."

"We don't do that."

"But it says here that you will help me with all of my business needs, and this would seem to me to be a pretty big business need."

"I am sorry ma'am, I can't help you with that.  Is this some kind of joke?"

"No, I want help with my business needs."

All I hear is silence, followed by a dial tone.  So, I guess the concierge service isn't so great after all.  Or at least they can not help me with my business needs.

The ad states that this card is the ultimate buying tool.  I never thought there was any problem with my traditional cards, they seem to work ok.  I had them to the clerk, they scan them and hand me my stuff, I get a bill.  I don't know that having a Black Card will impact the transaction one way or another.  Seriously, I think I can charge my purchases at the Goodwill just as well on my Chase Platinum Card, as I can on a Black Card.

Oh, did I mention there is the small $495 fee for having this card, another $195 if I want to get one for Bob.  He is not one of the 1%.  I haven't had a job in 7 years, my husband who has, isn't one of the 1%.  I am honored to be asked, but I think I will have to pass on this one.  I think including me in the 1%, might be an insult to the 1%.

I sure to appreciate the thought.  Now, I will haul my 1% self to the grocery to pick up free food, without the use of my Black Card.

On the needles

I have been knitting like crazy, but haven't finished anything in a while.  I think it is because I have too much on my needles.  I really need to finish some stuff and start to focus on one project at a time.  Perhaps I can keep my sock blanket, a pair of socks and ONE other project going at a time.  Rather than 6 or 7.

I really want to make a cabled afghan (the one right there in the tiny picture).  Something about snuggling under a thick wooly blanket seems very appealing to me right now (it could have something to do with the fact that it is 65 degrees and rainy... feels like fall).  I keep looking at yarn, drooling over patterns and planning my blanket.  But, it seems very irresponsible to start this project, when I am already working on a massive blanket.  I really need to finish the one I am currently doing before I start another one.  It has nothing to do with my feelings about the current project.  I love it, and would love to work on it exclusively, BUT, all these other projects need to be finished.

I am forcing myself to NOT purchase the yarn until I am ready to knit the blanket.  This blanket will take about $150 worth of wool, so I am not really interested in investing until I am ready to start.  That said, I have picked the yarn a million times!

My list of UFOs and DLK (DeadLine Knitting) is large.  I need to make a baby doll for Hannah's birthday. I have 3 babies coming shortly that need presents.  The December holiday's loom as well.  I am making a pair of socks for my SIL, coasters for the other adults, perhaps a couple of knitted toys for some of the kids... it will all depend on my time.

I also, so very stupidly, signed up to teach kids to knit at temple.  This will suck my Sunday's right away from me.  I will get to knit for a while, and I wonder if I can incorporate them into the larger knitting group or not.  I will have to see.  I felt like I should do something for the religious school program because they are not charging us this year, due to our financial situation.

My new found freedom, one would think, would free up a lot of time for knitting.  I just feel like I should be doing something more productive like laundry.  A brief word on laundry... it multiplies more rapidly than rabbits. If only my money compounded as fast as laundry, I would be rolling in green backs.  Seriously, you leave one pair of dirty underwear on the floor and suddenly you can't walk in the room anymore because of all the dirty clothes.  How does this work?

So, I hope to get over the need to clean the house and take more time to knit.  Until then, knitting is like a sock monkey on my back.  I have so much of it to do and so little time.  So, I must stop blogging and start knitting.  I wonder if I could figure out how to do both at the same time.

Silence

Silence is golden, so it is said.  When all three kids are screaming at me, at each other and generally making a fuss, I dream about silence.  I actually leave the house and spend weekends away from them, basking in the cool glow of silence.  Until recently, I would have rhapsodized about silence.  It's milky whiteness, the way it softly and warmly embraces you and steals away all the anxiety.

Certainly there are some folks that equate silence with loneliness.  Being alone with their thoughts is too horrible for many to contemplate.  They leave the tv or radio on, so that there is noise and company.  I am not one of them.  I can understand where they live, as until I had children, I lived there too.  Now, I am firmly not in that camp anymore.

Last year, I asked to use the bathroom, while pooping, by myself.  I wanted to poop in peace, for a whole week.  I really didn't think that this was an outlandish period of time, and it was all I wanted for my birthday.  The kids could not deliver on this wish. 

As of Wednesday, I have had both boys in school for 6 hours a day.  My house is so quiet, it is eerie.  It is like no one is home.  To go from the racous, ear blasting noise of the summer to total silence is almost deafening.  I am not alone.  Hannah is here with me.  She still has her various needs and wants that have to be tended to, but for the most part she plays happily by herself in the play room.

I have the entire expanse of the day to do what I want to do, for the most part.  It is like a taste of when they will all be in school all day long.  What will I do with myself?  Hannah is a willing participant in most activities,  if I want to go out to lunch with the ladies, shopping, out for coffee, Hannah is game.  She is very well behaved and will sit and color or look at her ponies for a long enough period of time that I really can take her anywhere.  It will be an interesting year, as I decide what to do with my new found freedom.

Tomorrow

Well, it happened.  Bob took my phone.  He got over the fact that is was pink.  He changed my ring tone, he changed my voice message.  This was supposed to be my "reward" for moving here, justified by the fact that the school might need me.  Now, it is his.  My pink phone.

I realize that the only thing I can control is my attitude, so I am trying very hard not to be angry about this.  He needs a phone so that he can contact people when he is out networking.  I understand that we can not afford to buy another phone.

So, for the next five minutes, or how ever long it takes me to write this entry, I am going to wallow in the fact that in the last 18 months, I have had to give up pretty much everything in my life.  I lost my lovely kitchen in my lovely house.  I left my friends.  I lost my life, where I was so entrenched, that I had people calling me and offering me jobs.  I have now lost my computer and my phone.  I gave up all of this, so that Bob could have the job he really wanted, only once he had it he realized he didn't really want it.  I lost my gym membership, so now I am stressed (I eat when stressed) and I can not work out anymore.

Most likely, once the dust settles and we are in a more peaceful place, he will be making less, so I may not get much of what I gave up back.  I realize it is for the most part stuff and things, with a small sprinkle of relationships.  I realize that the relationship aspect will replicate itself here.  But for right now, for today, I want my old life back.  I want to be pissed at B because she is a bitch.  I want to be annoyed by the stupid MOMS club.  I want to be concerned about the quality of the education my kids are getting.  I want to cook in my kitchen.  I want to go to the gym.  I want to go visit M, T, K, G, E, or C because I love them and want to hang with them.

So, just for today, I want my old life back.  Tomorrow, I will resume my regularly scheduled programing and go back to being positive and making the best of things.  Tomorrow, I will believe that everything is gonna be alright, so don't worry.  Tomorrow, or maybe even a little bit later today.

Mac's Birthday

Today is Mac's Birthday.  I don't really have anything wonderful, inspirational, insightful or even funny to say about that.  After being in labor for a month, being in hard labor for a week, being induced for 2 days, he was finally ripped from my body by force.  I believe after they cut me open they used thoose jaws of life, you know the things they used cut people out of car crashes with, to force him out of my womb.  You can say a lot about Mac, but one thing is for certain, that kid wanted no part of being born.

This makes me think about being born.  There you are, all snug and toasty in this dark place.  There are muffled sounds and everything is good.  All of a sudden you are asked to follow the bright light and enter this big world, with all these sounds and other people.  They poke you, prod you, put clothes on you.  I imagine it is pretty scary and well, yucky.  Perhaps Mac was just on to something, being born isn't such a great thing.  Needless to say, I had some other feelings about it, and I wanted that 9 lb 2 oz, thing out of my body.

One last thought on the topic, perhaps on some level, being born is like dieing.  It sure is a radical change in your life and environment.  So, who is to say that when we die we don't go some where else.

So, welcome to the world Mac.  We hope your next 9 years are better than the last 9 years.

The First Day of School

So it begins... The first day of school.  We took the traditional first day of school in the bushes pictures.  Mac wanted to start a new tradition of taking a picture in the office, so we did that too.  The kids both had a great day, and were bubbling over with stories about their teachers, classmates, and what they did.  So much better than a year ago, when both were nervous and scared.  This year, they each had a friend in their classes, and they are excited to see their other friends from last year who have different teachers.  I had fun seeing all the parents and going to the neighborhood champagne brunch.  Such a difference a year makes.