Lessons learned

Really, it never fails.  The more sweaty and nasty I look the greater the likelihood I will run into someone I know.  It is like a great law of the universe.  Of course, the more vile I look, the more amazing they will look, the more important it is to me to at least look respectable.

This axiom of life applies to the behavior of my children.  The greater the likelihood of a public display of temper tantrum, the greater the likelihood I will run into someone with perfect children.  Someone who will look at me with general disdain.

To prove the axiom is totally true, I submit the following:

No husband for dinner, means eating out to me.  Monday means house cleaning day, and given that it is the beginning of the school year and I don't clean in the summer, Monday house cleaning days are an all day affair.  It is hotter than hell here, so I was needless to say, not looking my best when I left the house to take the kids to Culvers.   But, as they say a picture is worth a thousand words.

Small digression here, that is not what I looked like, I looked more like this,

but when I typed disheveled mommy into google that was the first picture that popped up.  Seriously?  That is disheveled.  EGADS.  Oh, and you can not use dirty, messy or sloppy mommy, because that brings up porn.

Ok, on with the story here.  I was not looking top notch.  I run into some of the folks who wanted Santa at the holiday party last year.  You all remember.  It was just lovely.  I have been to Culvers about a million times, and NEVER seen anyone I know.  Today, when the kids were melting down, and I looked like hell, they decide to turn up?

I think there might have been some sort of food stuff in my hair.   Certainly there was dirty spots on my clothes.  Of course they both looked fabulous and put together and their kids were angels.  You could almost here the harp music in the background.  As usual, I looked like I had just been released from jail and my kids were about to go there.

Just proves that it is prudent to brush your hair and slap on some lipstick before you leave the house.  Lesson learned....  Mom you were right.

September Goals

I for one CAN NOT believe that it is already September.  Happy Birthday to me! :)

I only have 5 goals, and they all revolve around finishing things!  I am going to finish off a bunch of outstanding projects.  While I am starting Hannah's monkey, it is more like I am fulfilling a promise.  Besides, her birthday is rapidly approaching! 

1. Finish my sweater
2. Finish my March club socks
3. Finish Martha's stocking
4. Start Hannah's monkey
5. Do 10 squares on my blanket

Birthday Interview

So, Mr. Lang, can you please tell me about the highlights of your past year?  For starters, I have been a student teacher, and I am pretty sure I can read what you are writing over your shoulder.  

I guess this means I don't need to read it to you?  Yes, Mom, I am 10.

Other than being a student teacher, any other big moments in your 9th year?  Ummm...  I only have 7 years at Hogwarts.

I am not sure what Hogwarts has to do with anything?  Harry Potter is awesome.

Mr. Lang, we are discussing your 9th year... I told you Hogwarts only has 7 years.

Alright, so, as you embark on double digits, any special plans?  Yes, to blow up the school... but save all the teachers.


Great, so now we need to phone the police.  No we don't, they were here last night and I told them I didn't do it.

That was not the police, but Fish and Wildlife.  Perhaps the fish are in touch with the FBI.

Mr. Lang, I do not advise starting your 10th year with a felony charge.  Do you have any other plans?  Or do you need a time out?  Umm.... ummm... hmmmm....stop writing everything I say.

It is an interview Mr. Lang, I am supposed to write what you say, if you don't want me to write it don't say it.  This is sort of a comedy isn't it?  Why yes it is.

Back to the question about your plans for the future.  I plan to train really hard for soccer.

Sounds like a good goal.  Yes, I will be scoring goals.  I hope you have a good birthday.  Thank you Mr. Lang for your time. Stop calling me that, I want to be Mac.  I haven't turned in my student teacher pass.

This concludes our interview with the birthday boy.

Ten Things

Previously in the discussion about my weekend, we learned that I went to the thriving metropolis of Moline.  (Not that there is anything wrong with Moline, the river walk area was really cute, but it is not Chicago)  The question remains, why was I there.  Brace yourself, I went to a concert, we saw the Scorpions.   

Dokken opened for the Scorpions.  I learned a few things from Don Dokken.  For those of you who have no clue who Dokken is, it is an '80's heavy metal hair band.  Remember when these guys had really big hair and played really loud?  Yeah, Dokken was one of them.  Photo:

I was a punker/new wave chick in high school, so this heavy metal crap is not really my speed.  That said, I appreciated the Scorpions.  Dokken on the other hand, not so much.  But we can survive anything.

So 10 things about Dokken:

1)  Once you reach a certain age, leather pants are not a good idea
2)  Once you reach a certain weight, leather pants are not a good idea
3)  How many cows had to die to make said leather pants?
4)  When you loose your hair, you can use a scarf to cover the loss.
5)  If the scarf is long enough it will simulate long hair
6)  If you talk about how much sex you have and how much you like to drink, stupid drunk women will throw themselves at you
7)  When wearing the aforementioned leather pants, it is important to also wear a cup
8)  What was in the red plastic cups that they kept tossing around?
9)  The 80's are over, get a haircut.  Be totally committed to business or party, not both.  Make a choice.
10)  You can fashion fairly effective ear plugs out of toilet paper.

Dokken was, well, right up there with Twilight on the I-found-it-to-be-a-satirical-commentary-and-laughed-my-ass-off meter.  Good times, I tell you good times.

Tomorrow, the candid review of the  Scorpions.

The First Day

We pause our story about the weekend to present this breaking news:

The first day of school!!  I sent a second grader and a fifth grader off to school.  Some photos!

Moline

This weekend we went to Moline.  Where is that you ask?  It is in the middle of a corn field.  To get there from here, you have to drive south through the flat lands.  There is nothing between here and there, other than corn.  Still can't picture where it is?  Here is a hand map provided by the Moline Chamber of Commerce.

Please note how the Quad Cities, which includes Moline and THREE other cities is supposedly bigger than oh, I don't know, Chicago?  See how their sphere of influence is so great it covers multiple states?  Some how, I don't think there is truth in advertising here.  Moline is a small town.  It is on the map only because John Deere is headquartered there.

Why did we go to Moline?  To see a concert.  But wait, don't I live in the big city, can't I see it there without driving through the corn?  Yes, yes I could.  But the cost of the event in the big city was MORE than the cost of driving to Moline, spending the night in a hotel and seeing the concert.  We also got to see the concert from floor seats that were about 10 rows back. 

Did I mention there was a hotel stay involved with all of this?  I love to get away from the kids for an evening and Bob and I haven't been away together in 3 years.  It was a nice break from our routines and a lovely way to celebrate 14 years of marriage.  The fact that a hotel stay was involved is very important.  You will understand soon.

Who did we see you ask?  Well stay tuned for the answer for that question and more. 

Dishrag Tag

Last year, when the teams went up for DishRag tag (yes, a knitting thing) I was discussing the state of my underwear.  I was complaining that I didn't have very nice underwear (meaning it was old and ratty), and because Bob was out of work, I couldn't afford to replace my undies.  Things had reached a breaking point with them, and lets just say, if the coroner saw them, s/he would be appalled.

Everyone on my new team for DishRag tag will be happy to know, that my husband is now gainfully employed.  I have replaced most of my undies, so if I should drop dead, the coroner were to see them my mother would not be shamed.  I even replaced the bras. 

I point all of this out, to note that things have changed in the past year.  My lead post when the teams went up was me talking about babysitting 3 kids, adding to my own to make 6.  I shared that it was a crazy day, as one would expect.  My teammates will think that I am a sort of normal person.  They won't be concerned, as my last teammates were, that I was a little nutty.

Frankly, we just can't have that.  My team came in 3rd last year.  We could have won if someone wasn't worried about germs being transmitted in the mail.  Like all good athletes, tradition is important.  Last year I shared about my underwear and things went well.  So, it is lucky to share about the state of my undies. This year, things will go well.

Oh, I would also like to point out that I am not totally crazy, but perhaps a bit nutty.  I am responsible (someone did trust me with their 3 kids a swimming pool), I always do what I say I am going to do, and I got my dishrag out the day it came in.  I took it to the late night drop and it went out that same day.

Do with that what you will.  I am off to sharpen my needles.