Thursday, September 29, 2011

Green as the grass on the other side

This is the next installment in our Thursday blog project.  The topic is jealousy.

Jealousy is not a very attractive quality.  But I think that is is something that we all struggle with from time to time.  I have been battling a bit of jealousy lately, and that is why I suggested the topic.

I have a lot of friends at the gym.  They are gym friends, not people I hang out with, friend on Facebook, or anything like that.  We chat in the minutes before class and at the end of class.  We help each other out when one of us is late, and we encourage each other to keep going.  I know a lot about my gym buddies, I know about their husbands, their kids, their in-laws, etc.  I know a lot my gym buddies lives, and in some cases, I do not know their names.

There is one gym buddy in particular that has lost a lot of weight in the past year.  I have lost track, but some where in the vacinity of 75 lbs.  I was talking with her the other day and she confided in me that she did it by taking pills.  That the pills made her less hungry and helped her have a ton more energy.  These were pills that were not prescribed for her.

I have really stuggled with this, because part of me is so jealous of how fabulous she looks.  I want to look like that.  I want to be thin and fabulous too.  It is in total contridiction with where I thought I was with how I looked.  I decided about 3 or 4 years ago to be healthy and not worry about how much I weigh.  The number on the scale is just that and as long as I am healthy, it is mostly meaningless.  I embraced my Fat Chick status and was ok with it.

To suddenly be googling how to get my hands on these pills makes me wonder how comfortable I really was.  The other day I was confronted with a very easy way to get the pills.  I could have taken them, I would have had a steady supply, and no one would have been the wiser.  Only I would have lost weight and looked great.  I didn't even think about this when it happened, I immediately said NO. 

I know that I don't want to loose weight the "easy" way, but maybe I do.  I think this conflict is going to be running around in my head for a while.  I know that at any time I can change my mind and get them.

Right now, I can run 3 miles, and mostly not die.  I can lift a pretty significant amount of weight.  I surprise even the trainers some times.  I can move my body in ways that even some of the skinny chicks can't.  My vitals are all good.  I am healthy.  I worry that if I take the pills the "I am healthy" part of my statement will change.  Am I dying to be thin?

For today, I am going to stay the course.  I might even wear a Fat Chick Power shirt when I run a race in a couple of weeks.  I hope that will not let my jealousy of what this one person did change my mind about my quest to be healthy.

Want to see what the other ladies are jealous about? Check them out at Froggie, Momarock, Merrylandgirl.


  1. I appreciate that you want to be healthy, and in a healthy way. :) I know people too who want to go out for the quick fixes, and they are only that-fast ways to get results. What you are doing will stick with you for a lifetime!

  2. i know body image is a tough topic to deal with sometimes. i'm glad you chose to not take the easy route and instead work for what you want. it sounds like you are confident about your body though.