Sunday, April 22, 2012

Letting Go

Things in my life have been pretty out of control lately.  Not out of control in a good way either.

When I was first learning to water ski, I was holding the tow rope and I fell face forward.  There was water going up my nose, and choking me.  I was being dragged on my face.  I felt the tow rope jerk and pull from my hands.  My Dad circled back around and said, "Honey, when you are being dragged, let go."

When you are being dragged, let go.  It is amazingly good advice.  I have felt like I have been dragged for sometime by a freight train that is my son's school.  The Principal is a forceful character, and he moves at a pace I just can't keep up with.  He does things in a very big way, even if a smaller way is more appropriate. 

See, I tend to clamp down on things and by freakin' g-d that is the way it is going to be.  Like a pit bull, I don't tend to ever release, even when I am being dragged.  I focus on what was wrong, what should have happened, what I could have done.  Not really helpful.

I met with a friend who knows how things go at schools.  He told me, don't focus on what has happened, focus on being pro-active.  Give the administration a tool box that they can draw from, create a scenario where the choices they make are the choices you want them to make.  It sounds a lot like what Mac's therapist says all the time.  Guess I wasn't listening.  While he didn't specifically get into the let go of what has happened point of view, I could hear my father's voice.  My Dad was big on not worrying about things that have happened, but rather focusing on what you are going to tomorrow to get where you are going.  His point was that, what has happened can't be changed.

While what happened in Friday, was truly horrible, there is nothing I can do to re-write that chapter in my life.  It is over, and that part of my story is done.  What I can do, though is think about what the end game is, and try and take actions that will help us move from the spot we are today in that direction.  I can wish that things went differently as much as I want, but I can not change it.

I have a vision in my head of my Dad's face when he looked at my 7 year old self with a bloody nose, coughing and choking on water all because I would let go.  It wasn't a good time, but it was a good lesson. 

Luke Skywalker saved Princess Leah and destroyed the Death Star by letting go and closing his eyes.  -- Guy Forsyth

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