Thursday, January 26, 2012

Not the real me

This week's topic is to create an outline of a character for a fiction story that is based on you.  Dang it, I had it in my head that it was a fictional story of your life.  I was going to be freakin' awesome.  Like super nice and down to earth, really pretty, rich, amazing athlete, perfect mother, amazing house was clean all the time and never pissed itself (that's right, I haven't told you all in blog land about how my house pissed itself... putting it on the to do list), kids are well behaved, etc.

But, since the character is supposed to be loosely based on me, I guess I have to walk past that concept.  Still, this character is going to have a house that does not piss itself.  It is still fiction, and it is bad enough that real me has a house that pisses itself, fictional me does not need that.

Ok, so our character lives in a nice suburban community in a house that does not, would not, can not ever piss itself. 

She has three kids.  One of these kids has some behavior issues that she helps him work through.  She gets to deal with lots and lots of issues with the school and various teachers.  It is always the highlight of her day to get an email about something that he did.  But, she is always secretly impressed with the type of mayhem he comes up with.  This kid never comes up with your garden variety of trouble.  No, it is always new and creative, such as being the Don of an illegal homework pass operation. 

The other kids are active into sports and what not.  They do well in school and generally don't give her too hard a time.  There is garden variety mayhem with the younger kids.

There is a dog.  The dog tends to eat everything on the counter and chase people out of the house.  At least people that don't live there.  So, there is always a certain amount of unexpected comedic chaos as it relates to the dog.  Dog does things like getting picked up by the cops and hauled to doggie prison.  Barks incessantly at the HOA President and things like that.

Our character attempts to be fit.  But, really, with three kids and the dog, it is hard to fit it all in sometimes.  She secretly dreams of running a marathon, but isn't sure her old tired body can actually do that.  But, hey, she can do a 5k and for now, that is good enough.  She is freaky strong though. 

Her ride is a mini-van that is so full of crumbs and kid mess that you could probably live in it comfortably for a week and not starve.  Assuming you could get past the fact that you are eating crumbs from the floor of the mini-van.  There is a Barney DVD that has been jammed in the CD player for three years.

There is always a lost library book, forgotten spelling words, dinner that burns and other sorts of out of control activity.  She tries really hard to get on top of it, but can't and really regrets that she stopped drinking wine.  Oh, and she is in the running for the crown of worst mom of the year.  So, when her kids yell at her and tell her she is the worst mom, she can say with full honesty, "Yes dear, I know.  I have the crown."

She has a pretty good sense of humor about it all and doesn't seem to mind that her style is an austerity special, jeans from goodwill, a sweater that is 15 years old and a Tee from Target.  Oh, and her husband is Mark Harmon.

I think there would be a tone of exhausted chaos around her, but at the end of the day, everyone has a good time.

Want to read about the other characters?  Check them out at: Froggie, Momarock, and Merrylandgirl 


  1. you are too funny. i love the worst mom crown. i think i'm your biggest competition for that one. :) i also deal with one of our kids having behavioral issues in school. we even talked to his teacher on the phone last night. :P

  2. This made me laugh! LOL... I would like to be thrown into the competition for the worst mom crown. My son recently said the "F" word in art class to impress his friends. It's nice to hear I am not the only one out here in a sea of craziness. Although my house doesn't piss itself. Man, that made me laugh out loud!