Why you ask?

Why, you ask, am I going on about the December holidays?  I know we have barely recovered from our sugar high of Halloween and I am harping on December.  Skipping Thanksgiving entirely.  Rest assured I will have something to say about that!  It is because this is topical in my life.

I belong to an organization, that is secular, and states that they are not religious.  We are in the the throws of planning a Holiday Party.  Without going into a lot of detail, having Santa at this party is more important than having me.  I was hurt beyond words.  I was and still am moved to tears by the whole event.  I am also angry, about the violation of the contract.

When Mac was 2ish, we were in the grocery store, and the bagger asked him what Santa was bringing him.  He said, "I don't celebrate Christmas, Santa does not visit my house."  This woman looked at me like was a beast for denying my child this experience.  Mac didn't understand why this woman told his mother she was a meany.  I have had the school call me because Mac does not want to a Santa project, because that is not his holiday and he is offended that he has to participate in the activity.  He was then teased because he freaked out about it.  It pains me to go through this with my kids.  To see the hurt in their eyes when people say and do things that are ignorant and mean.

I try and insulate them as much as I can.  It is not practical or possible to fully protect them, but as much as I can I avoid situations where they are forced to choose between the activity and their religion.  It is not a fair place to put them.  They are still so small.

I am very careful about the organizations I choose to participate in.  I quiz them eleventy-billion times and ways to make sure they are not religious, or if the are they are Jewish.

I ask the Principal at the school to make sure that Santa won't be at school events.  That my kids will be allowed to opt out if need be.  That if they are forced to opt out, that we will not have that event next year.  I have this conversation every year, with the same Principal, just to be sure.

The preschool we attend does not acknowledge any religious holidays at all.  How refreshing.  They ignore them completely, and guess what the kids still have a good time at the Winter Party.  This frankly, was the number one reason I choose the school.  I wonder how we spread this plan to all.

I never understood all of this when I was growing up, because I didn't experience it.  I haven't built up the thick skin of my husband.  I feel the pain the kids feel for the first time right along with them because I can not imagine anyone would want to hurt them, and yet they insist on doing just that.

It is jaw-dropping-mind-boggling-ly unimaginable the things people have said and done to my family because we are different.  Some of it comes from a deep place of hate and some comes from ignorance.  The folks that come from the place of ignorance are the reason for the first three posts.  I wanted to capture their attention and educate them.  You could argue I alienated them too, and maybe I did.  I really didn't want to do that, but if some of them felt the sting of the words, so be it, you walked in my shoes a bit.  I know my posts were provocative.

I want to thank the folks that got it, that engaged in the conversation, and participated in the discussion.  That respected me enough to understand that I am muddling through this as best I can, and that I may have gotten some of the theology wrong, but that my intent was to open a dialogue around this issue.  For those of you who read, but didn't participate, I hope you understand.  If you don't, lets talk about it, you know where I live.

This post has been the hardest, most tissue intensive post I have written.  I still feel that I have not actually captured how hard it is to be in a situation where you think you are safe only to have the rug pulled out from under you.  To think you have done all your due diligence and that religion is not and will not be a part of the discussion, only to find out you are horribly wrong.

I have learned a lot about myself, my beliefs and why I feel the way I do about this.  I have grown through this process.  For that I am grateful.  That said, I hope that out there someone understands how much it hurts to have to choose between a party and your religion.  That combining the traditions just really isn't appropriate, and is not really the meaning of our holiday.  That maybe next time we won't have to choose.  Maybe next time having me will be more important than having Santa.

Until then the Great Pumpkin and I will be in the pumpkin patch working on his marketing plan.

Christmas Trees, they ain't ok either

I shall preface this, by saying some of my best childhood memories involve my father putting such a tree on top of our car and driving home. Only to have it fall off and we would repeat the whole tying up process on the side of the highway.  Let me assure you, I learned a lot of colorful language as a young child.
 
It seems all the trappings of the holiday have some sort of religious under-tone.  I have pulled a listing of what all the various symbols from Christmas mean, from about.com.

• The Star: A heavenly sign of prophecy fulfilled long, long ago- The shining hope of mankind.
  
• The Color Red: The first color of Christmas, symbolizing that Savior's sacrifice for all.
  
• The Fir Tree: Evergreen- the second color of Christmas shows everlasting light and life. The needles point up to heaven.
  
• The Bell: Rings out to guide lost sheep back to the fold, signifying that all are precious in His eyes.
  
• The Candle: A mirror of starlight, reflecting our thanks for the star of Bethlehem.
  
• The Gift Bow: Tied as we should all be tied together in bonds of goodwill forever.
  
• The Candy Cane: Represents the shape of the shepherd's crook, used to bring lost lambs back to the fold.
  
• The Wreath: A symbol of the never ending eternal value of love… having no end.

The big ones in my mind are the tree and Santa, but it is not a mistake that his coat is red.  The Christmas Tree is a tricky one, because it's roots are in a pagan celebration of the winter solstice.  It was adopted by the Germans, and has only been a custom in this country for a very short time.  There is an interesting story about how the trees came to the city of Chicago.  But, I digress.

Some Jewish scholars have given up on the tree.  It is so ubiquitous, that they have decided to concede that argument.  That is it ok for public places to have Christmas Trees.  In reality it still is a religious symbol.  Using the same logic as applied to Santa, we really should not have Christmas Trees in public places, funded by tax payer dollars, non-religious organizations should not have these trees as part of their celebrations, they should not show up at schools.

Why is there so much fuss about all of this? I think it is important to understand the origins of the Hanukkah. It is about not assimilating with the culture around you. The basis of the holiday is that the Jews returned to the temple which had been destroyed, rebuilt it. G-d gave them enough oil to burn, and we celebrate that miracle.  Yeah, it is a cliffs notes version of the cliffs notes, but you can google it to get more info.

Gill Mann, on beingjewish.com says, "However, the irony of Christmas and Chanukah coming at the same time of year is that Chanukah celebrates how their identities would not assimilate into the Greek society around them."  This is why there is so much conflict.  Jews are celebrating a holiday about being Jewish, and that type of celebration isn't really done at a party that is also celebrating Christmas.

This is why, when well meaning Christians say, we will celebrate everyone's holiday, they are so offensive.  It shows that they don't understand the meaning of Hanukkah.  It becomes a battle of wills.

Since we live in a country without a mandated religion.  A country founded by people escaping religious persecution, as good Americans, we should keep our religious celebrations at home, and not in the public eye.  Because we can not do for all, what we do for the majority.

Now, cue the patriotic music, show photos of the flag, etc, etc.  I am off to promote the Great Pumpkin.

Maybe Santa is Religious

Ok, let's not storm the castle.  Call off the dogs, I am not as bad as you might think.  I have gotten a lot of feed back about my last post.  Which was the point of it.  I am thrilled that the conversation is open about the topic, people are discussing it.  Not the people I wanted to engage with me about it, but hey, it still has been a good conversation.  Just so we are all on the same page, my point in my prior post was that if you want to say that Santa is totally secular, then you have accept that he discriminates.

I don't actually accept that premise.  Santa is not a secular being.  He lives in a gray area between religious figure and secular figure.  Bottom line here is that other cultures and religions have not adopted Santa, as they have say St. Patrick or St. Valentine, who were both also religious figures.  Santa hasn't had his prior brush with sainthood erased from the public mind.

Really, I think it has to do with his relationship to Christmas. Christmas is the big boy holiday in Christianity.  That and Easter.  Clearly the Easter Bunny needs better marketing.  Seriously, Easter isn't quite as festive as Christmas.  I think that is what puts the damper on the good old Easter Bunny.  But he too straddles that line.

So, when were are participating in events supported by non-religious groups, it is not ok include Santa.  It is one of those situations where saying, fine we will do Hanukah too, doesn't really solve the problem.  Throw a menorah in the corner and you are good to go.  If it is a non-religious event, then NO religion is the way to go.  Don't add more traditions, because we can not get them all.  Besides, Hanukah is not the same type of event as Christmas.  It isn't Jewish Christmas.  It is a minor festival about some oil that lasted for 8 days.  It isn't the big boy holiday of the Jewish tradition, the High Holidays are.  You don't see these same organizations making a big deal about that.

I would like to go on record, saying I do not really believe that Santa is a bigot.  I believe that he is a Christian figure.  I believe that he has religious under tones.  But, if you want to argue that premise with me, I will refer you to my earlier post.

At the end of the day, I stand by Linus, he was on to something with the Great Pumpkin!

Santa is a Bigot

Santa is a bigot.  I know, lovely way to start a Monday, but it is true.  Today, we will discover the dark underbelly of Santa Claus.  Brace yourself, it will be a bumpy ride.

When you say Santa is a bigot, it garners a reaction.  Santa?  The fat guy, jolly, spreads cheer to little boys and girls around the world?  Let me see, someone else said:  " Santa is not a religious symbol.
He is a mythical legend and a jolly old fat guy who represents good all around the world."

Yeah, only see here is the problem, he doesn't spread good to poor kids, Jewish kids, Muslim kids.  Really he picks kids of a certain level of wealth and who are Christian, and spreads joy to them.  I don't know about you, but the reality of the situation is that doing something for one group at the elimination of another is bigotry. 

So, unless you are willing to accept that Santa is a figure in Christianity, then you have to accept that he is a bigot.  You can't have it both ways.  So, we should allow our kids to hang with a bigot?  If the KKK showed up at a school function, would you be good with that?  Because if Santa is showing up at non-religious events it is the same thing.  Sure, Santa has better marketing, is slightly less of a bigot, because he doesn't discriminate against African Americans.  But, face it, it is a small improvement.

Don't get me wrong, I loved Santa as a kid.  Christmas was my absolute favorite holiday.  But as I have gotten older and now have a Jewish family, I see things a little differently.  I don't know if I want to let my kids drink that brand of Kool-Aid.  The kind that says if you are of a certain level of wealth and Christian, some dude in a red suit is going to swing by and give you gifts.

Dang it, Linus was a visionary, forget about Santa, let's all celebrate the Great Pumpkin, who brings joy to ALL the little boys and girls in world.