School Supplies

This year I am going rogue.  I know, the shock and horror of it all, I am not going to follow the directions.  You would never expect me to not follow the rules.  I never decide which ones apply to me, never.  Shame on you for even thinking it.

At the end of the school year, I had the kids bring home their left over school supplies rather than donate them.  My reasoning was two-fold; 1)  School supplies don't grow on trees and 2) I wanted to see how much of this stuff they really used.

The volume of supplies that came home left me gobsmacked.  These kids take a back pack FULL of supplies at the beginning of the year.  They came home with a FULL back pack of supplies.  The list is about 2 column inches long.  It seemed that the only things that got used were the ziploc bags and the pencils.

I have some resolutions about the supplies this year:

• This year I am sending back the folders that they didn't use.  I am not buying new ones.  
• This year I am not sending in double supplies for Mac, he isn't in the regular classroom that much.
• This year I am not sending in anything that seems unlikely to be used, if they need it as the year progresses, they can ask for it.  If it is a good deal at the office supply stores, I may buy it and keep it in the school supplies tote, but I will not send it in.
• This year I am not sending in ziploc bags, not that I don't have a basement full of them that I got for free, but the reality is that the teachers have about a million of them, and I don't see an entire box of them return home, so no bags for you.  
• This year, I am waiting until I know what we really need to send anything in, and that is the way that it is.

As an aside, the supply boxes cost $35 a kid.  I have bought all my supplies for all three kids and have only spent about $15.  This is not because I am not sending in the scotch tape they want, it is because the supplies bought through the school are too expensive.

We need to think about our consumption of resources.  I am not adverse to sending the supplies in for the kids, but I am adverse to buying things that no one uses.  I think that the supply lists need to be re-addressed, lets have the teachers ask the kids to send things in that they really use, not just a big list of stuff.

Is it over?

The final thing I surmised would happen while I was gone, was that my brother's custody battle would be resolved.  Well, with the efficiency and lighting quick speed of the court system,  a it was not.

Apparently their court date was really a date to get their case on the calendar.  You know like talking to the hostess in the restaurant and they put your name on the list for a table.  They will have a trial in Octoberish.  This is probably alright, as the way things are right now is not a bad thing.  That said, the drama and and the anticipation of the "big event" are still delayed.

When I have friends come and talk to me about getting divorced, I think about what is going on in this situation.  Granted, it is unlikely that any separation could be more acrimonious, but when I think about the impact on my nephew, my advice is always to try and work it out.  Don't have any kids?  Knock yourself out, do what you want, but if you have kids, think about it.

This does not mean that there are not situations where divorce is the right decision.  That said, even the most friendly separation has an impact on the kids that is not positive.  It is a life changing event, not just for the adults, but the kids too. 

All you children of divorce who turned out alright, cool your jets.  Think back to how you felt when everything was going down.  Remember the anxiety and angst as you had to adjust to the break up?  Remember the longing for an intact family, even if you didn't like your mother or father?  It sucked didn't it? 

That said, I am not saying that divorce is wrong all the time, I am just saying that in our country we tend to get divorced a little too quickly without any real thought about the impact on the kids.  In my brother's situation, this break up was most likely the right thing for him and for his son.  To his credit, he lived in a pretty untenable situation for a long time because he wanted to keep his family together.  Now, I think it is time to let the chickens come home to roost.

The Exciting Thing

So the other thing I supposed would happen while I was gone, was that something that I haven't talked about but was really exciting would come to pass.  I didn't want to talk about the fact that Interfaithfamily.com asked me to write an article for them, because I felt that too many things could go wrong between the offer and publication.  Can we say House Hunters?

For those of you not in the know, we were asked to be on House Hunters when we purchased the house we currently live in.  The issue was that we moved out of our old house and were in temporary housing while we awaited the new house being available.  The apartment complex we were in would not release the film crews so that they could film us in the apartment.  So, it all fell through.  But, I had told everyone and then had to say it wasn't happening.  Ok, back to our story...

I got the offer based on a blog post that I had written.  I know, I was shocked too, when I read the comment from a real live editor on my blog.  It was a stunning turn of events.  I agreed, and then sort of hounded them a bit.  I did manage to stay on top of things enough to get my article published.  The editor who asked me to write is has left now, and so what will happen in the future, is well, up in the air.  I plan to pitch some more articles and see what happens.  But, I think I will wait until the dust settles a bit over there.

I was also asked to be part of a blogging project by the same folks.  I don't know if that will happen or not, but one can only hope.

If you didn't get a chance to read my article, the link is here  Choosing a Religion.  There isn't a return link, but I think I am done here.

The Trip

At one point I said that during my 12-day vacation a lot would happen.  I wrote that prior to actually leaving and well, it was sort of true and sort of not true.

The trip in and of itself is very "exciting."  Spending 6 days in a car with 3 little children is always an adventure, to say the least.  As I generally expected, the car portion of the trip was fine.  My kids have been traveling since they were infants, so they are used to the prospect of long days in the car watching dvd's and playing ds.  They look forward to eating out in restaurants and swimming in the hotel pool.  I took them to a local greasy spoon in Pennsylvania, and Mac thought it was the best thing ever and was amazed that we spent about what we would have at McDonalds.  They are learning.

Seeing my friends in Connecticut is always bittersweet, I miss them so much and it always makes me sad to have to say good-bye.  That said, it is so great to see them, and everyone always seems to pick up right where they left off.  It always amazes me that the kids that have not seen each other in a year, immediately start playing together and having a good time.  It is a place where everyone knows your name.

There is always a stop at my in-laws.  This year was not as jovial as usual as my father in law is struggling with some changes in his health.  These changes are very distressing to the entire family and as a result everyone is on edge.  The thing I thought was so interesting was that while my kids know the names of their cousins, their cousins do not know their names.

When my cousins would come and visit, it was the highlight of the summer.  I would count down the days and be sad when they would leave.  It was like a hole in the days once they were gone.  I missed the companionship, the fun activities.  We would fight and play together like siblings, it was a great time.  My uncle would take us to the beach and let us do things my mother would never even consider.  There was always trips to the ice cream store and dinners together.  Even if we didn't really do much "exciting" stuff it was always better with the Michigan crew.

Life has interesting twists and turns.  The people that you think should be important, sometimes aren't.  Different families, different people have different values.  I was taught to value family above all others, and to always have each others' backs.  I have shared this philosophy many times before.  Right, wrong or indifferent, I will always have my entire families backs, in as much as that is possible.  I have slowly come to grips with the fact that this is not a two way street in every town.  At the end of the day, I know that I have wonderful friends in Connecticut that will fill the void.  I will continue to encourage my children to value family, but sometimes I think that family isn't the blood relations.

Keep on rollin'

Arriving home after a trip like we have been on is a surreal experience.  Spending that much time traveling in a car does strange things to your mind.  It seems so strange to sleep in "my own" bed.  The bed seems unfamiliar and the surroundings are oddly familiar and foreign all at the same time.

When you are in the car for 6 days, it is almost like meditation.  As we would roll along I would have these epiphanies, great ideas about what I should do about something.  Then almost as rapidly as they would float into my mind, they would be forgotten.  I had composed amazing blog posts in my head, only to arrive at our destination to not even remember the topic.

As I would drive along, I would find other people who drove about the same speed as I did and we would caravan.  I would imagine that we would be looking for cops together. Yet, usually it was me, noticing them and hiding.  This would put my fellow speeders in the spot light, but there is safety in numbers.  Big rig drivers always seem to know where the cops hide.  I always follow their lead.

Bob drove the last leg, and I got to sit in the car and knit.  This was a nice reprieve from driving, but I still had that same meditative experience.  Bob drives along pretty quickly, just like me, but without the infractions.  He was less concerned about cops.

It was great to see everyone, but I am very glad to not have to drive my car any longer than a trip to the store for a long time!  It is good to be home.

Not quite home yet

I hope you have been enjoying the last week of posts.  What they did not address was what was actually going on in my life.  I have been on vacation and have managed to get enough things up ahead of time that I don't have dead air space for very long.

As I sit here, not having actually left yet, I know that a number of momentous things will have happened.  Or, at least I think that they will happen.  I get a pit in my stomach when I think about all of them.

First off, there is the trip.  It is a pretty momentous event that I load all our stuff and all three kids in a van and drive to Connecticut for a vacation.  We take it slow, so we spend 6 days in the car, round trip.  My kids are small and whiny, Mac is unpredictable at best, and I will not have any back up.  The whole thing always scares me.  There are some relationships that I have to deal with that are not comfortable, and I have some anxiety about that as well.

Secondly, something that I have not shared in this space is going to happen.  Or at least I have been told that it is going to happen.  I have been promised similar things in the past, and not had them come through, so want to keep this under my hat until it is reality.  If it does come to pass, it is pretty exciting.

Finally, a really bad, traumatic thing is, in theory anyway, going to be resolved, for now.  I have shared a little about some of the things going on in Cali, and there should be some resolution on that.  But, well, also, maybe not.

There will be a lot for me to write about once I get back.  I will be back soon.

This Summer

I was reading an article in the paper about how summer is almost over.  I was looking at the calendar and after we get back from our trip, the kids have 2 1/2 weeks until school starts.  It is almost time to jump out of the swimming pool and dive back into the carpool.  I, for one, am not ready.

Last summer was, in my memory, long and breezy, filled with relaxing days.  This summer has been hot and a bit oppressive.  I wake up every morning at 6:00 because the dog is panting so hard I can't sleep through it.  I am looking forward to sleeping in once school starts.  I feel we have not had the wonderful idyllic summer we had last year.

What is different?  Bob has a job, so fear is not my consistent companion.  We have some money, so we have been able to do some fun things like Disneyland.  I have only two thoughts about why I remember last summer as so great... 1)  Our lives were so miserable at that point, the fact that Bob was happier improved everyone's lot so much that everything just seemed better.  Or 2)  We were so scared about the future that we appreciated everything a lot more.  The kids were just better because well, their mother was on the brink of a nervous breakdown, that they didn't want to push.  Or I was so distracted by fear and consumed by worry, I didn't notice.

I tell myself, and prove it by reading old posts, that the kids did in deed fight and argue with each other last year.  I think California was so awesome last year because after the winter I had had, it was so nice to go and have my mom take care of me.  This year, well there is a lot of stuff going on in Cali.

For what ever reason, this summer just isn't as awesome as last.  That said, I am not really looking forward to walking the kids to school everyday.  Mostly because, very soon after the first day of school comes the first snow, and then it is cold for another 10 months.