A couple of days ago, the kids, seemingly jumped out of bed and began to fight. They argued about who owes what pokemon card, who touched who, who breathed who's air. It was a day of generalized whininess. It wasn't even 8:00 am yet. It is this kind of day where I would generally do something so out of the ordinary that it would shock them into a better mood. This is the kind of day you see a movie, have lunch at McDonalds, go shopping, generally speaking, something that costs money. Since we don't have any money, I hunkered down.
I posted on Facebook that I was tired of the kids fighting and wondered when we would have peace. My responses were very interesting. My SIL say "no." Probably the most honest and accruate answer of them all. I appreciated that answer.
A friend of a friend of mine from high school, J, said:
I know how you feel. I have found that giving them an activity to do where working together is rewarded things will tend to claim down at my house. I explain that working together is the most important thing I expect from them. Often giving them something to shoot for each day, then a prize after so many days of working together can work also. They will never be at peace 100% of the time, but you can get close. Don't give up.I was a little annoyed by that. It is generally good advice. It presumes that I didn't already try that. It makes me wonder how old his kids are. The pictures I have seen would lead me to believe that my kids are older. While this is not all that important, I just think that it was easier to distract them from their bad moods and fights when they were younger. I would also surmise, that their life is a little different than mine. I would guess, that he and his wife have more support than we do, that his wife has more support than I do.
I look at the part where they will be at peace most of the time. I think, really? What sort of drugs are you on, because you ain't sharing and that ain't nice. My kids, as far as kids go, get along pretty well. They have been through a lot last year and have come together as a group. For the most part, when they are together they stay together. As long as Mac is in a good mood, my day will be ok.
Had I been less tired, I might have given them a lesson in co-operation. (Where I make them do a chore, together, without fighting. Should they not do that, they they get to do another. They are smart kids, they figure it out.)
The other response I had, forbid them from playing together, worked when the were smaller. Now, they just look at me like I have lost my mind. My kids are too old for that sort of reverse psychology to work. The last time I tried that Mac said to me: "Mommy, you are trying to trick us into being nice to each other." He was 5.
Mac is a "special" child. Special children require special solutions. That day, the solution would have been to spend money do something abnormal. I was too tired to come up with something that didn't cost money or a way to do something for free that might otherwise cost money. Someday, things will be back to normal, and money will be another resource in my bag of tricks. Until then, I go it mostly alone, without that, and hope that I can figure it out.
